The Battle

Yesterday we took "Gift" to court where he would go home with his Gogo (granny). I spent the last few days frantically going through photos, and sorted them into his album at 11pm as Smallinsky drank a bottle. Yesterday morning I went through all our cupboards searching for "his" things, and for things that will make his life easier once he leaves us. The days before a child leaves are the hardest as I try to do everything possible for them - with the knowledge that they will never again be mine front and center in my mind.

Then, we got to the social worker's office and Gogo, who we'd never met, recognised her great-grandson from across the room and came to sit by us. Gift, who is a super friendly baby, has been sensing that something is not right for the last few day and somewhere inside realised that this lady was the catalyst. He wouldn't go to her at all! The picture above is about 15 seconds away from another screaming session. I was sitting there holding my boy and picturing having to walk away from him at court while he cried.

But, when we got to court, the Magistrate said "not yet". The report wasn't done properly, and he was not impressed that no visits had been arranged for Gogo, and we got a postponement. Gift is ours for the next month and we will pour all our love into him before he goes.

There is a constant battle in this ministry between head-knowledge and heart-knowledge. I know that studies worldwide show that it is better for a child to be raised by kin in their own culture. I know that Gogo loves him, and that he has a brother and sister who can't wait for him to come home. I know that Gogo has enough to provide for him. But at the same time, my heart knows that he deserves more. That he needs someone who will worry about his development levels, and about age-appropriate stimulation. That he has brothers and sisters here who love him and worry about him.

Days like this I am learning about trust and letting go.

Happy 4th of July!

Happy 4th of July from everyone at the baby home! 

We had a great evening celebrating (well, really just lighting sparklers and wearing silly headbands since I'm the only American) and the kids thought it was awesome to play with fire (Princess still calls it the "fire of the holy spirit" - nothing like a little early indoctrination). Bokke was the only one who didn't get in on the sparkler action. Considering his history I suppose an innate fear of flame is understandable. Even Smallinsky got in on the action once he woke up!

What we've been up to...

because I can't have you getting too used to deep and meaningful posts :-) (yes, that means you Tiffany!) And also because my kids are just so stinkin' cute!

the twins' leaving party - with their new mom and dad (my one is in grey)

 And with the rest of the family!

 My girls are so girly! My princess has recently learned the concept of having flowers in her hair (not sure which volunteer is responsible for this one) and decided Chipmunk needed to join in the fun. They walk around like this for hours!

 We got a new baby! He's hopefully going to be joined by another this week if all the paperwork can be sorted out. He is incredibly tiny - preemie clothes on a 3 week old, full term baby! I am constantly amazed at what he fits into! He's even learning to get his days and nights the right way 'round. What a star!

And my naughty ones! Cheekiness on the left is still waiting for a family, but hopefully our "little baby" (who suddenly seems ginormous {totally a word!} now that we have the really little one) will be back with his granny by the end of the week.