This is a Noah season

When my parents came to visit last month they brought with Kisses from Katie, a book by one of my heroes. I finally got around to reading it this week, and, as Tiffany promised me it would, it made me cry at least once a chapter. She somehow found the words to express all of the things that I feel, but never can say, so I would turn the page and exclaim "that's it!" as the truth of what she said burrowed into my heart. It was an incredibly encouraging book and helped me make my way out of the discouragement that has been overshadowing me recently.

One of the things that has been hardest has been the reaction, or lack thereof, to my latest news about adopting and moving on to a new ministry. I understand the logic of it. If it were anyone else proposing to do what I am, I would probably think they were crazy too. But I still feel a bit like Noah - I KNOW that this is what God has told me to do, but all my neighbours walk past shaking their heads, convinced I've gone 'round the bend. I've come to expect the blank stare after I tell people my news in person, as they think of a tactful way to say, "isn't that a really bad idea?" So, imagine how I identified with what Katie Davis wrote, "God taught me, over and over, that it did not matter what the world said, that it did not matter that almost none of the people closest to me believed in what I was doing, or believed it would succeed, that it did not matter what they said was impossible, because God did this, and he was going to continue doing it". SO TRUE.

The only difficult thing from reading this book has been my sudden realisation that I've been trying to fit my life back into the mould of the world. I want that 9-5 job where I can come home and do nothing except spend time with my beautiful daughter. I want the job where I sit behind a computer most of the day, insulated from the raw pain of interacting with the broken. I want the money to visit my family every year, and take my little girl to Disneyland (ok, that one I'm still shooting for!). But after reading this book, I remembered that I want other things more. I want my princess to grow up seeing me pour out my life for my Lord. I want to be His hands healing the broken. I want to be in the center of his will, even when it hurts so much I can't breathe. And I realise I have been aiming too low. This doesn't mean I won't end up in the job that I've been hoping for, but it means I shouldn't end up there just because it can provide for me. So, I am taking the rest of this month to pray that God will lead me where he wants me, even if it tears me apart. Will you pray that with me?